Us

I looked for you everywhere,
in sunshine, in dark;
in the dusty storms, in the clouds' spark.
I saw you through the moonlight,
when through the breeze you hugged me tight.

But that wasnt enough, for I wanted you here,
I wanted to hold you without any fear.
It's been ages since I was yearning for you,
I know you were feeling the same too.

Then, when my happiness was at stake,
when I thought I was living in a dream fake,
You walked in to my life with strides long,
and I knew to you I belong.

It was not your eyes, it was not your lips;
but my heart still had a million skips.
It's your morning call that are better than dreams all.
It's your funny streak that lifts my mood bleak.

It's the way we fight,
it's the way we hold our hands tight;
that makes me feel you are real and forever,
and till eternity we are together.

There may be times when talk we may not,
when we may be angry we may have fought;
But we know what lies beneath is a bond strong,
and will make worthwhile our walk long.

It's the way you make me smile,
it's your walking style,
it's the way you are oh so unromantic,
it's the fact that you are pragmatic,
that makes me fall for you,
my deam has finally come true.

All romantic songs make me blush,
When I am with you time seems to rush.

Thinking of you makes me smile,
With you I can walk that extra mile.
To describe you, fall short of words I,
All I know is you are there when I want to laugh and cry.

I can't describe all this,
For now, I want to enjoy this heavenly bliss......

Casual Casualties

A lazy sunday evening, I sit in the favorite corner of my nest glued on to my laptop doing nothing but crowded with a thousand thoughts none of which make sense to me at least for now.What is it that a 20 something female wants, thinks or desires? The question is not new to me or to any female in the metro; be it a sweet girl next door going grocery shopping, the retro chick lost in her world enjoying the thumping music screaming out of the earphones or the uber cool dame dreamimg about her Oh- so- perfect wedding and honeymoon with her supposedly loyal, oops royal prince charming or the career oriented perfectionist(who might be just the opposite in her personal life)- what is that one thing that binds all of us in a common emotional thread?

All our lives we strive to get things right so that sometime in the future we have a perfectly happy life. In the wake of finding perfect happiness we keep ignoring the not-so-perfect but surely mesmerizing moments in life. Thanks to the bollywood movies of the nineties our illusions of having a perfect life only become stronger. Only if we were exposed to the realistic movies and shown the ugly truth, would our expectations be more realistic? If you have a good job you mull over your personal life, if you are committed and your cuppycake cutie pie stands up to your expectations you curse your boss for not letting you leave office on time on a friday evening let alone leaving early.Single girls like us have a lot to sulk about. No, most of us do not have the courage to be in a stable relationship (the environment around us gives us enough reasons to stay away from getting in to a relation).

There are new words in our dictionary today - sexting (exchanging sexual text messages), F!@# buddies, one night stands (okay this one is an old one) and the one I loathe the most -REBOUND; what has not changed is the fact that all these words can't fill the void created due to lack of that one special feeling. We have started coming out of the closet and declaring "I don't love you but I am attracted towards you physically" and the feeling is mutual. We dive in to this pool of new age casual relationships only to realize that it is the physical hunger that satiates but the emotional thirst keeps us parching. The irony is that in this bustling city life one thing that binds us is loneliness.

It all sounds music to the ear and fun initially but you soon realize that it is not fun and distraction that we want. We only become lonelier.

We might be capable of taking risks and giving casual relations a shot but are we prepared for the serious caualties that come with them as a free gift? We might be open to experimenting but are we pain proof to carry on this experiment? A week or may be a fortnight in to it and we start expecting booty calls to turn in to late night emotional bonding while our counterparts of the opposite sex still mantain their ground of lusting for us and not loving us. They are biologically programmed to remain in a state of inertia for longer than us. The truth is it is physical loneliness for them but it is emotional loneliness bubble wrapped in physical loneliness for us. That is where we falter, end up getting more hurt, becoming lonelier and we ourselves are to be blamed for this. We secretely hope our casual relations to shape into something serious, longterm or even lifeterm.

It is time to realize that we are priviliged to distract ourselves by better things: Shop for shoes and bags (cliched but true), visit a spa, read Durjoy Datta books (amazing stuff), go for a walk all by yourself, go out with your girlfriends (if you have any), and if nothing works then post interesting status messages on facebook (do not bother about what people say).

Just when I wonder how to end this write up my savior calls to check how I am doing(he guessed my plan to hang out with my girl friends did not materialize). A little pep talk with him and my spirits go high. He is one killer who can kill all negativity around you. Sometimes a little message from somebody, nobody who knows anybody is enough to hit a high note. How I wish this chap was gay! Anyways all you girls just chill and feel good there are good times coming our way (for how long they are to stay I am unsure , fingers crossed).

PS: Go out paint the town red, wear your heart on your sleeve but DO NOT let yourself to be hurt, we are yet to master the rules of their game(read enjoyment without attachment), as for me I am happy painting my nails red :)

Sound Of Solitude

The sound of solitude the most scares me,
Pinches and hurts me painfully.
I hear the sounds most intricate,
of times strong of moments delicate.

The long lost memories haunt my soul,
they question my very being, they question my role.

The wailing walls invite me near,
I am bundled with nothing but fear.
The light bulb hangs from the ceiling,
glares at me with eyes piercing;
Scolding for mistakes I made but revealed never,
reminding me that I aint any clever.

I go back to times when I was naive,
and thought I could face the world brave.
Treated the world at my feet,
believed that me none could cheat.

Walked away my teens with ease and poise,
turned a deaf ear to every warning noise.

Wore my heart on my sleeve,
the hearts of my near ones I would often cleave.
My world was painted with illusion,
Wrong was made every conclusion.

Here I sit now lonely and alone,
for me the voices of walls mourn.

After a million mistakes,
I am now wide awake,
sitting with eyes open and a heavy head,
sleepless is my once cozy bed.

I try to seek happiness in joys of others,
but its jealousy that my heart nurtures.
I was the one with happiness filled,
did'nt realize how and when it all got killed.

I am strong, blunt and filled with strange attitude,
I just talk to my solitude;
that shows me the true picture,
I am sure none can this rupture.

Filled is my empty room with sounds unheard,
to me it makes sense, to the world though absurd.